Jimmy Fallon, I Love You

the closest I'll get to my famous boyfriend.

Probably the closest I’ll ever get to my famous boyfriend.

August 23, 2013


Dear Jimmy,

I’ve been thinking this for a while, and even though you and your wife just had a baby and you love both that baby and your wife, you need to know that I’ve been going around telling everyone that you are my famous boyfriend. Perhaps you think that is juvenile and shallow as I can’t possibly ‘know’ you, but I’m convinced not knowing you is why I love you soooooo much. In real life, some of the goofy things you do would probably be really embarrassing. But I’m willing to give it a shot, because I’ve grown to love you.

See, I used to have a thing for Justin Timberlake, and while I would hate to ruin your relationship by making you jealous, he really was the reason why I watched Saturday Night Live. Truth be told, I didn’t even know you had been on SNL years before; I had only seen you in Almost Famous. But that “Dick in a Box” song made me laugh and laugh, so when I heard JT was going to be singing with you on your show, well I just had to watch. And you two did the history of rap, and you wore that gray suit, and I swear, cherubs smiled and angels sang. I started watching your show because it was funny and silly, and made both you and me laugh. That might be the cutest thing about you – how you start laughing at your own jokes.

Well, I now follow you on Instagram, and watch the rivalry you and Stephen Colbert have cultivated, and am so excited for your next career move (hey, I told all my friends about how my boyfriend got a new show!), and then yesterday, I finally picked up your CD: Blow your Pants Off, and let me tell you, I totally appreciate the gratuitous ass shot as much as all those hilarious songs (“Scrambled Eggs” might still be my favorite). So, you can see that I am a true fan, very supportive of your career and perfect second wife material. You just need to give me a chance!

Think about it and get back to me,




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